The Odyssey Of Amarao
by Temjin-On
Summary: Join Commander Amarao Deathmar and his crew as they fight to save Ragol from Cats and his evil Plan 9! Chatpers One to Six posted!
1. The Zigs Of Doom

1(Author's Note: Yes gang, Under a big amount of suggestion, I have decided to continue The Odyssey Of Amarao here on Now anyone here who reminds me that this was posted by MrLostman on PSOWorld, yeah, I know. Face it gang, its pretty well proven, I was using the alias Mr.Lostman to write PSO fanfiction again. Now I have basically given that up and I am bringing this story over. For background, this fic is basically a crossover between Zero Wing and Phantasy Star Online, which is done in my with my own flair. This fic has many musical bouts and references in it, which was a new thing for me. So yeah, do look for an update to this at some point, but I got other fish to fry. But I do hope you enjoy my take on this concept. Enjoy.)

The Odyssey Of Amarao

Chapter One: The Zigs Of Doom

The skies above Ragol where furious with anger as Pioneer 2 defense forces were clashing with strange fighters called Zigs. A devilish being called Cats had finally used his Plan 9 and was attacking Ragol, for some strange reason. This brings us to the protagonist of our story, Commander Amarao Dethmar. Amaro was a commander of Pioneer 2's air defenses, the head of the Screaming Arlans. We now join his battleship, the Endostar Runner, and him an a patrol.

"Hmm. Im bored...", said Amarao. "Patrols are boring. Hmm thats it! Maddy! Play Kung Fu Fighting!"

The RAmarl looked up from her control panel and groaned. "Ahh but Commander Amarao, I hate that song!"

"Fine, don't do it.", said Amarao sternly. "What would you suggest, Maddy?"

"Instant Music.", replied Maddy with a smile, getting out the file. "The Pillows kick ass."

"Ooh sounds good!", said Amarao, who was getting ready to sing the chorus. "Instant music! sekai chuu ni afure kodomotachi wa oboreteru, Diet Music! hora muchuu ni natte, kutabacchi maeyo!"

Maddy soon chimed in singing, "Manyuaruu-raifu no animaru, nabigeeto sarete happii, kaunseraa no sasayaki wa O.K."

Neither Maddy nor Amarao noticed that the other two crew members, Odie and Carlos, where both giving them strange looks. Suddenly Odie, being the music loving guitar player he was, bust out of his chair, ripped out a Crazy Tune and started playing the opening of Stairway to Heaven.

"Dude, Odie!", said Carlos. "I didn't know you played the guitar!"

Odie looked at the short little Hucast, laughed and said, "Yes, we have been crew mates for a year and you just realized that?"

Before the two could say anymore Maddy chimed in and shouted, "Commander Amarao! We are getting a signal!"

"From who?", asked Amarao. "Put it on the screen."

"How are you gentlemen?", asked the man on the screen.

"It's really choppy!", shouted Maddy. "I think we might lose it!"

"All your.....", the man on the screen said, the signal cutting out. "Are belong to us."

"All your what?", shouted Odie, freaking out. "All your what are belong to us?"

"It came from a enemy ship, sir.", said Carlos. "What should we do?"

Amarao sat back in his chair, stroking his chin as if he was thinking. The ship fell silent for two minutes till Maddy got up and waved a hand in front of his face.

"Hello?", asked Maddy. "Commander Amarao! Wake up. What do you want us to do?"

"Make me some waffles.", replied Amarao, still in a trance. He quickly snapped out of it and said, "Shoot it! Hit it with our special electrostatic missiles!"

"Uh, Commander Amarao. We don't have anymore.", said Odie. "Carlos here traded em for tacos."

"And they were damn good tacos too!", shouted Carlos.

"Are there any tacos left?", asked Amarao.

Carlos looked up at Amarao and replied, "We ate them all. Remember when we had taco night last week?"

Amarao picked up a flight helmet lying on the floor and tossed it at Carlos. "Damn it Carlos! Since when can a HUcast eat tacos anyway?"

"Commander Amarao, we have bigger problems right now!", said Maddy. "A squardren of Zig are coming at us!"

"Well that wouldn't be such a problem if El Carlos didn't like his tacos so damn much!", snapped Amarao. "Now, just shoot whatever the hell we have left at the damn things and set a course for Sector 8-R!"

The Zig were fast approaching, just as the Endostar Runner unleashed everything it had, minus the electrostatic missiles that Carlos had traded for tacos. Zig started falling left and right as they were pumped full of hot photon. While firing, the Endostar Runner took off like a scared little girl who had just walked in on her parents making love.

"For the love of all thats fried and crispy make us go faster El Carlos!", shouted Odie. "Im too young to die!"

"This is gonna be close!", said Maddy. "Commander, Im putting on Crazy Train to make the mood better."

"Im going off the rails in a crazy train!", sung Amarao, clutching his chair's armrest as the Endostar Runner boosted.

"YES!", shouted Odie, banging his head. "OZZY! OZZY! OZZY!"

Just when things couldn't get worse for the crew of the Endostar Runner, the air conditioner broke. And oh yeah, an enemy mother ship was right in front of them.

"Damn AC!", shouted Odie, hitting the air duct. "Carlos! It was your job to fix that you damned deformed trash can!"

"Maddy!", said Amarao. "Take us up! We will make the Zig crash into the ship in front of us! Most original idea ever!"

"Uh, Commander, its been done.", said Maddy. "But I will do it anyway."

Suddenly, the ship took a hit from a stray laser fired from a Zig. The computer now said "Self Destruct in, 5...4..."

"STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!", shouted Amarao, kicking his computer console. "NOT NOW!"

The computer now said, "Just playing with yea, boss!"

Amarao started to speak but was cut off as the ship dodged the mother ship, which took heavy damage from the Zig fleet smashing into it.

"We are safe....", sighed Carlos. "But for how long?"

"Your not safe at all, El Carlos!", shouted Amarao, who was now out of his seat chasing the HUcast around the bridge. "Just wait till I get my hands on you!"


	2. Administrative Tango

1The Odyssey of Amarao

Chapter Two: Administrative Tango

The Endostar Runner had put in at a outpost in Sector 8-R, and then had to have a meeting with Caroline Masterson. Now Caroline was the kind of administrator that you either loved or hated. Most of the Endostar crew loved Caroline, except El Carlos, and noone really knew why, he didn't like to talk about it, but it was the common opinion of the rest of the crew that she had shut down one of his favorite trading posts, the one with his favorite bar. The funny thing about Carlos, he is a double fisted drinker. Now when he is in the club, Carlos always had a dry martini in one hand and a shot of vodka in the other. So now we join the crew in their meeting with Caroline.

"Come in, all of you.", said Caroline, motioning to chairs around a table in her office. "You must tell me about what you encountered."

"It was Plan 9 cronies, simple as that.", said Amarao. "Just a bunch of Zigs up our ass."

"Ahh, I see.", said Caroline. "Well at any rate, its good to see you all back in one piece."

"Thank you, Administrator Caroline.", said Maddy. "Its good to be alive."

"Well! I guess we will be going...", said Carlos, getting up and walking to the door. "Its been fun!"

"Not so fast.", said Caroline, throwing a stapler at the back of Carlos' head, that hit with a clank. "There is a new threat around in our space. Well not really a threat."

"What is it?", asked Odie. "Is it! Gasp! Plan 10?"

"No, Odie.", replied Caroline. "Its an old friend of yours. Mr.Lostman"

"Lostman?", said Odie. "Please say he didn't do what I think he did."

"He is now heading a group called CAPN, the Caffeine Addicted Pirate Ninjas and is running around with a ghetto little fleet doing what his name entails, being a pirate. He is on a ship he calls the w00t Raider. He has these fighters called Death Gliders.", said Caroline. "Thats about all we know, except that Mr.Lostman is running around in black ninja robes with a giant question mark on his hood. Your all going off to trail him."

A collective groan arose from the entire crew.

"We have been out on patrol for weeks!", said Amarao. "At least give us a weekends leave from patrol!"

Caroline thought for a second and said, "Fine. Take your leave."

"w00t!", shouted Odie. "Quickly, lets get out of here before she changes her mind!"

The crew all went their separate ways, Odie to practice his guitar, El Carlos went to the ship, got a wad of cash and his drinking cap, and headed to the officer's club, telling his crew mates to join him at 8pm for a show. Maddy and Amarao on the other hand, went off together to chit-chat.

"So, Maddy.", asked Amarao as they walked. "What do you make of this CAPN business?"

"Well.", replied Maddy. "From what I can gather, Odie and Mr.Lostman started that as a joke back in college and after they parted ways, Mr.Lostman took a strange turn in his behavior. Apparently he went nuts of some girl and started a militant group, and set of for the stars. This is where the w00t Raider and his small fleet came from."

"Wow Maddy.", said Amarao. "You herd what people are saying about the two of us?"

"That sure was a fast change of topic, Commander Amarao.", laughed Maddy. "That we are some sort of item and our tongues are scraping each others tonsils at every chance we get?"

"Thats exactly what I am talking about.", sighed Amarao. "Any ideas about why they are saying things like that?"

"Well, Commander Amarao.", said Maddy. "It may have something to do with the website , an El Carlos Production."

Both stopped, looked at each other and screamed, "DAMN IT EL CARLOS!"

"Not that I don't find you attractive.", muttered Amarao, so she wouldn't hear him.

"What was that?", asked Maddy. "Did you say something?"

"Not at all.", replied Amarao, hurriedly. "Now lets get to the club, we don't wanna miss this."

So the rest of the crew arrived at the club and took seats at a table along with Administrator Caroline. El Carlos was there, his signature drinks in his hands.

"I promise you, what we got for you.", said Carlos, who was now throughly smashed. "You wont soon forget."

"El Carlos...", asked Amarao. "How in the hell can a android drink?"

"It has something to do with our.....", replied Carlos. "Internal....electrostatic....intake manifolds! Yeah, thats it!"

The whole group raised and eyebrow as Carlos strolled off to the back of the stage.

A bit later, a soft piano intro started playing as the curtains drew. A voice on the mike said, "Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you El Carlos and the Backup Singer Guys!"

"Oh god...", moaned Odie. "This wont end well."

The lights went on Carlos and a few other HUcasts, who where somehow snapping their fingers. Yeah, who knew? The piano stopped and then Carlos broke out singing, or what was supposed to be singing.

"Caroline!", sung Carlos, taking a sip of one of his drinks. "All the guys would say she is....uh.....soup! Dig this now!"

The entire club looked at Caroline, who was at this point either really pissed or confused, or maybe both.

"I know you like to thank your....uh....soup don't stank! But move a little bit closer see uh....soup really smells like sou-u-up!", sung Carlos who fell to the ground. "Thank you! Good night! We love you Cleveland!"

"What...the...fu", asked Odie, swallowing a curse word. "Lets never give him booze again."

Caroline burst out laughing. "Well, I am glad I gave you guys leave. In fact, take an extra day of leave."

"El Carlos, you crazy son of a bitch!", laughed Amarao. "Next time I am going to hurt me, call forth a favor, okay?"

"Uh Commander Amarao.", said Maddy blushing. "Uh, if you would uh come see me later. Uh I'd like to uh talk to you? Yeah that works! Yes I need to talk to you about something!"

The crew didn't seem to notice, but when they looked over at her Maddy laughed nervously, sweating and running off to her room.

"What is her uh....soup?", asked a very drunk Carlos. "She acted kinda....soupy."

"Carlos.", replied Odie. "Stop saying soup!"

So for now every thing is okay, but some things are still uncertain. What is Maddy's deal this evening? What about CAPN and Mr.Lostman? And what is Carlos' deal with soup? Find out next chapter!


	3. The Lostman Paradox

1The Odyssey of Amarao

Chapter Three: The Lostman Paradox

Someplace out in Sector 10-L of the Planet Ragol's space. Mr.Lostman and his small fleet were amassing. Standing on the bridge of the w00t Raider, a cloaked man in black robes and a small little FOnewearl.

"Is it ready?", asked the robed man. The FOnewearl nodded. "Alright then, start it up."

A familiar march started playing on the bridge as the fleet formed up.

"Master, this all seems a little too cliche.", said the FOnewearl. "Not very original. Seems you stole this whole thing from a movie.....perhaps it was..."

"Tara, if you value whatever it is you do.", sighed the robed man. "Don't finish that thought."

Tara bowed and said, "I am sorry, Master Lostman. I wont let it happen again."

"See that it doesn't.", said Lostman. "Now, send out the message to the fleet. All ships are ordered to engage and board any ships that they can. Take the caffeine and send it to me. And the gold, and money."

"As you wish, Master Lostman.", said Tara, bowing.

The recording skipped from the Imperial March to Dueling Banjos.

"Ahh how the hell am I supposed to sound serious with this in the background?", asked Lostman. "Though it does have a nice beat." Lostman then went on to dance a little jig.

-----Meanwhile, back in Sector 8-R-----

Amarao for some reason found himself walking down a wall way to the apartment of Maddy. Not remembering why he came or what she wanted to see him about, he was clueless.

Amarao rang the door bell. "Hello? Maddy?"

"Oh come in, Commander Amarao.", said Maddy from inside. "I have been waiting for you."

"Oh really?", asked Amarao, walking inside. "What is it you wanted to see me about?"

"Well you see.", replied Maddy. "Its like this..."

Later On....

"Hey Odie.", asked Carlos. "What happened last night?"

"You got piss ass drunk and put on a show trying to piss Administrator Caroline off.", replied Odie. "You really made an ass of yourself last night. But it did put us on Caroline's good side, so we got an extra days leave."

"Well thats good.", laughed Carlos. "Well I am going to just waste my last day of leave, care to join me?"

"Is there caffeine?", asked Odie.

"Yes.", replied Carlos. Odie shouted w00t and followed Carlos off to where ever it was they went.

So we skip past this day, from this point called The Lost Day Of Leave, to the minute the Endostar Runner returns to patrol to track down Lostman's fleet. The crew found themselves seated and ready for their some what unique pre launch ritual.

"Maddy, get ready for pre launch.", said Amarao. "Turn on the song and launch please."

"Aye, Commander Amarao.", replied Maddy. "Song is ready, Commander. Taking off now."

Not surprisingly, Ride On Shooting Star from The Pillows began blaring over the Endostar Runner's speakers.

"Alright everyone, lets go find Lostman.", said Amarao.

"Until next leave.", pouted Carlos. "Good bye, sweet vodka."

"Good bye, sanity.", laughed Odie. "Oh yeah, most of all good bye caffeine!"

The crew didn't have long to go before they got a lead on Lostman and the w00t Raider.

"Guys.", said Maddy. "We got a transmission that tells us that Lostman and his boys have just captured a freighter carrying food, caffeine and supplies to Sector 3-T. The ship is now in his fleet making runs for him."

"He stole the caffeine?", gasped Odie. "Those cold, heartless bastards!"

"Now Odie-wan.", said a voice over the screen. "You know I love caffeine just as much as you, old chap!"

"Mr.Lostman, I presume?", asked Amarao.

"But of course.", replied Lostman. "Now, tell me what are you guys doing out here?"

"Looking for you.", said Maddy. "Your wanted for piracy among other things."

The screen now popped up with a Plan 9 captain. "How are you gentlemen?"

"Welcome to the party line, El Carlos speaking.", said Carlos. "How can I help you?"

"Surrender every ship or we take off every zig.", replied the captain.

"And we will sick the Death Gliders on everyone if you send your Zigs out!", shouted Lostman. "The Lostman Fleet don't play that game! We keep it real!"

"Shut fool up!", shouted the captain. "Zig own Death Glider!"

"Nu-uh!", argued Lostman. "Death Gliders would kick your stupid Zigs asses!"

"Zigs whoop Gliders.", argued the captain. "Let out find!"

"God, these Plan 9 guys cant speak in any way worth shit.", laughed Carlos. "Anyone want popcorn, I wanna see this fight."

"El Carlos.", said Maddy. "I will gladly take some popcorn."

"Yeah I will take some too.", said Odie. "And bring me back a Red Bull!"

So it came down the Lostman Fleet and Plan 9 Cruiser #247 in a fight over who's fighters where better. Death Gliders, the arch shaped fighters on Lostman's side and Zigs, the standard fast, agile, two wing fighters where about to go at it.

"Alright you speech impaired, crazy ass Plan 9 pansy!", shouted Lostman over the com link. "Prepare to suffer at the hands of my almighty Death Gliders!"

"Take off every Zig!", shouted the captain. "You know what you doing! Launch Zig! For great soup!"

"What the hell?", shouted Carlos. "He said soup! It is a sign..."

So the Zigs and the Death Gliders went to fighting and it wasn't very interesting. Both fleets where at a standstill.

"Well, this sucks.", said Amarao.

Suddenly to everyone's surprise, a good half of the fighters going at it here destroyed by missiles. Electrostatic missiles from the Endostar Runner. As the crew looked around at each other with questioning eyes, they all settled on Maddy. Who simply replied. "What?"

"Impossible!", shouted Lostman, banging his hand on a console. "Tara! Go fetch me my teddy bear!"

"Master?", asked Tara, giving a questioning look.

"JUST DO IT DAMN YOU!", shouted Lostman, causing Tara to run off.


	4. Gothic Leprechauns Who Knew?

1The Odyssey of Amarao

Chapter Four: Gothic Leprechauns...Who Knew?

So after Maddy dispatched the fighter war and Lostman went off with his teddy bear for a good cry, the crew of the Endostar Runner had a chance for a little variety. El Carlos had hatched the plan that if they put in at some Sector other than their home of Sector 8-R, they could take a little vacation. To El Carlos, this was time that he intended to use to start spreading rumors again.

"This time I have proof of something between Amarao and Maddy!", thought Carlos, hugging a hidden package. "With this, oh boy. I will get at least five thousand more hits a day to the site!"

Odie looked over at El Carlos. "Hey buddy, whats in the box?", asked Odie. "Is it for me?"

Carlos panicked and said, "No! Its nothing! Its my uh, medication!"

"Oh okay.", sighed Odie. "I am expecting a package on our next leave."

Amarao looked down and said, "Well then today is your lucky day! We are putting in at Sector A-1 this afternoon. Which means we are going home!"

"Did Administrator Caroline approve our departure from patrol, Commander Amarao?", asked Maddy. "I don't remember any transmissions to our home port since we left."

"Well, technically we are still on patrol.", replied Amarao. "We are going to look for Lostman operatives and spies there. So anything we do while we are there is an added bonus."

"Like her?", whispered Carlos. "Again, perhaps?"

"What was that El Carlos?", asked Amarao. "Are you suggesting that..."

"NO!", shouted Carlos. "Not at all!"

Amarao got down into Carlos' face and muttered, "Don't be starting rumors, El Carlos. I know where you sleep. And if you wish to try to make my private life public knowledge, I will cut off whatever it is a HUcast has for testicles. Got it?"

"Yes sir!", gasped Carlos at the thought.

"Maddy!", said Amarao. "Set a course for Pioneer 2 Defense Forces Headquarters in Sector A-1!"

"Aye, Commander Amarao!", said Maddy. "We will arrive at HQ in about thirty minutes."

"Alright then.", sighed Amarao. "El Carlos. Go get me a coffee."

"Get your own coffee, sir.", muttered Carlos. "Im busy."

"Bull, your just sitting there.", said Amarao, getting annoyed. "As your commanding officer I order you to get me a coffee."

"Eh, I order you to get your own damn coffee.", laughed Carlos. Amarao just glared down at Carlos. "Oh snap! You where kidding, were you? I'll get that for you right away!". Carlos bolted down the hall.

"Commander Amarao!", scolded Maddy. "That was mean."

"Sorry, der..... Maddy dea.....Maddy!", replied Amarao, sneezing. "Ahh excuse me!"

Maddy looked up at Amarao and smiled warmly.

El Carlos came dashing back in and handed Amarao his coffee. He looked down at the expression on Maddy's face and grinned the best grin an android could.

"Something the matter, Maddy?", asked Amarao, smacking El Carlos out of his way and onto the floor."

"Nope, not a thing, Commander Amarao.", replied Maddy with another warm smile. "Im just in a good mood today."

A while later, the Endostar Runner had docked and the crew had set forth onto Pioneer 2, making sure that they tried to look like they were doing something.

Odie set off to the nearest post office and checked for his mail. Sure enough, the package he had been waiting for was there.

"w00t!", shouted Odie as he took the package and ripped it open, taking out the small box with a green button inside. "I hope this works." Odie pressed the button and the box slowly transformed into a small shape of a person. After a nice color show, the figured formed into a small, Gothic Leprechaun, who looked just like Odie.

"Top of the morning to yea, laddy!", replied the leprechaun. "I am your gothic leprechaun. You can call me Mini-Odie."

"Hi Mini-Odie!", said Odie, waving at the leprechaun in his hand. "Im Odie! And hey little buddy, do you like caffeine?"

"Why sure!", replied Mini-Odie.

"This is the start of a beautiful friendship.", said Odie, whipping a tear from his eye. "Now, shall we go get some caffeine and listen to Rammstien and head bang?"

"Yes, lets!", said Mini-Odie. "That sounds like more fun than you can shake me shillelagh at!"

Meanwhile on the Endostar Runner.

"Commander Amarao!", yelled Maddy. "El Carlos took the box!"

"You mean the box with...", asked Amarao, running up.

"Yes, the very same.", replied Maddy. "We cant let him spread this around yet!"

"EL CARLOS!", screamed Amarao as he bolted down the gangway onto the docking bay floor. "YOUR GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T GIVE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!"

El Carlos saw Amarao, yelled. "You'll never take me alive!", and dashed away.

So the chase began, El Carlos, with the box in question tucked under his arm, with Maddy and Amarao in hot pursuit.

"El Carlos!", shouted Maddy. "Give the box back! You weren't supposed to see it at all! Give it back!"

"Never!", shouted Carlos, knocking over a potted plant and tripping over two people. "It is my duty to expose secrets! And this is one that needs to be exposed!"

"El Carlos! What did I tell you?", shouted Amarao, jumping over a chair and tripping over a little old lady. "If you expose this I will make sure that you spend the rest of your battery life floating through the endless void that is space!"

"Are you serious?", asked El Carlos, skidding to a stop. "Would you really do that after all we have been through?"

Amarao kicked the android in the crotch and watched as he fell to the ground. "Heh, who knew? And no, I wouldn't cause I would get court marshaled.", replied Amarao. "But I will not let you expose something that should be kept secret longer."

Maddy ran up, out of breath. After catching her breath she picked up the box asked, "What did you do?"

"Crotch shot.", replied Amarao, with a smile. "Now lets go get a drink."


	5. Truth Be Told

1The Odyssey of Amarao

Chapter Five: Truth Be Told

The Endostar Runner remained docked and settled in Sector A-1 and most of the crew was happy, except El Carlos, who was quite pissed about having his big story taken from him. He started thinking that he should just go for broke and tell the world about just what Maddy and Amarao had been up to. But yet, El Carlos had not the balls to do this, under the threat of death from Amarao and worse from Maddy. As for the rest of the crew, Odie had not been seen since he took off with Mini-Odie and no one knew really where they had gone. Amarao and Maddy had shared a few meals and that was about it. Every thing was calm for the crew, but as the past had shown, things never stay clam for long for the crew of the Endostar Runner.

"Maddy, do you really think its time we told them all?", asked Amarao, taking a sip of his drink. "Sooner or later they are bound to find out."

"Its not something I think is any of there business.", replied Maddy. "I just hate to think what people would say if they found out."

"Well, we cant hide it forever.", said Amarao.

"Your right.", said Maddy, leaning over the table and kissing Amarao. "But you know, uh its safe to say El Carlos knows."

"Eh, I don't care.", said Amarao. "Its kinda obvious isnt it? Anyway, I think its safe to say we should tell them before it gets too outta hand."

"Fine then, lets go tell them now.", said Maddy, getting up and taking Amarao's hand. "Lets go back to the ship."

So the pair set off for the Endostar Runner, where surprisingly the whole crew had once again assembled.

"So, Mini-Odie...", asked Carlos. "Why the hell are you so short?"

Mini-Odie looked up and replied, "Why are you such a alcoholic, rumor spreading, defamed pile of rappy shit?"

"Fair enough...", muttered Carlos. "Didn't have to be so blunt about it, god."

"See El Carlos?", laughed Odie. "Don't mess with Mini-Odie, he keeps it real!"

"Thas right laddy!", said Mini-Odie, shaking his fist. "Me keeps it realgh!"

"Crew meeting, bridge now!", shouted Amarao as he and Maddy walked onto the bridge. Amarao looked around and nodded. "Good to see you all got here so fast!"

"We are ready to speak the truth.", said Maddy nervously. "So, forget everything you have herd, especially from El Carlos."

"Truth be told.", said Amarao, taking Maddy's hand in his. "Maddy and I have been a couple for about a year now."

"HA!", shouted Carlos. "I knew it!"

"Quiet you!", said Mini-Odie, throwing a magnet at El Carlos. "They are trying to talk, you disrespectful bucket of bolts! So kindly shut the hell up!"

"Thank you, Mini-Odie.", said Maddy. "Well at any rate. We are a couple and so on and so forth. And uh, we don't care if its unprofessional to date your commanding officer or what, and the admin can kiss our collective ass if they don't like it. We love each other and they cant do a damn thing about it!"

"Nicely put, dear.", nodded Amarao. "Couldn't have said it better myself. And just because she and I are together don't think that Maddy is going to get any special treatment. As you can see, we have gone this long and been totally secret about it, and she hasn't gotten any special treatment above any of you. And it will remain that way."

"Are you sure she hasn't had any 'Special Treatment' from you, Amarao?", asked Carlos slyly. "I mean, a year is an awful long time for no...."

"EL CARLOS!", shouted Maddy. "Thats enough out of you, dumb ass fucktard pervert!"

"You really are a miserable lech, aren't you bolty?", asked Mini-Odie. "Is yer mind ever out of the gutter?"

"I say they are getting three or four kinds of nasty.", said Carlos. "I mean, I couldn't go that long in a relationship without a little hanky panky."

"El Carlos...", said Amarao, reaching into his pocket. "Nighty, night!" Amarao took a cattle prod and shoved it at El Carlos, causing him to short out for a little bit.

"Amarao, that was mean.", said Maddy, kissing Amarao on the cheek. "Thank you for shutting the trash can man up!"

"Uh so can we vote him off the island?", asked Odie, his head in the clouds. "Because fear evidently is not a factor for him."

"Laddy, nice usage of stupid reality tv quotes.", said Mini-Odie, jumping up and patting Odie on the back. "Im proud of yeah."

"What a touching sene.", said Mr.Lostman, over the video feed. "But I need to speak to my sister."

The crew was silent, except for El Carlos' snoring.

"Thats right, my sister is Maddy.", said Mr.Lostman dramatically. "Big freaking deal! Now which one of ya'lls is pulling my sister? It's the gothic leprechaun, isnt it?"

"No one is pulling me, Alexis!", sighed Maddy, glaring at Lostman. "Now kindly go back to whatever it is your doing, cry to Mr.Fitzsimonds some more."

"Mr.Fitzsimonds?", asked Amarao. "Who is that"

"Its his teddy bear.", replied Maddy in a cutesy voice. "He has had it since he was born. It smells like old socks, too."

"Shut up!", shouted Lostman, tearing up. "How dare you insult Mr.Fitzsimonds? What did he ever do to you? Your mean Maddy!" Lostman looks of screen and shouts, "Tara, teddy bear now!"

Maddy reached over and turned off the video feed. "My brother is a little different.", Maddy laughed nervously. "But I swear to all things good in the world that the rest of my family is, for the most part normal."

El Carlos turned over in his sleep and muttered, "Hmm, sexy Maddy and Caroline. Come on over, the bed is nice and comfy."

Maddy glared down and El Carlos and knelt down next to him. "Okay, El Pervert, if you wanna play that game, lets play..." Maddy took out a paint gun and proceeded to paint El Carlos bright pink. Content with her handiwork, Maddy walked over to Amarao and gave him a hug, knowing full well that El Carlos was going to be extremely pissed over his new found paint job. But Maddy hadn't a care in the world, cause she has Amarao, and thats all that matters.


	6. The Passion Of The El Carlos

1The Odyssey of Amarao

Chapter Six: The Passion Of The El Carlos

"I kinda feel sorry for El Carlos.", sighed Amarao. "I mean, we all treat him like a worthless piece of fecal matter."

Mini-Odie just stared and scratched his head. "I don't get any of what ye just said laddy."

"It means we treat him like shit.", said Odie, laughing and opening up a can of Red Bull. "Anyway, when do you think he is going to grace us with being awake?"

"I don't care if and when the little lech wakes up.", replied Maddy. "He really needs to be rewired. Anyway, I do like his snazzy new paint job!"

El Carlos suddenly woke up and checked out his surroundings and his new paint job. "WHAAAAA! NOT PINK! I LOOK LIKE A CHEAP HOOKER!", screamed Carlos. "AND WHY CANT I GET DOWN OFF THE WALL?"

"Uh...", snickered Odie. "Me and Mini-Odie magnetically charged your back so you would stick to the walls of the ship. Then we took turns doing the Jabba the Hut look at my favorite wall ornament scene from Star Wars. And then drank Red Bull till we passed out after laughing ourselves stupid. Why do you ask?"

"Gee, why do I ask?", growled Carlos. "Maybe its because you two smacktards stuck me to a wall! And who painted me?"

"That would be me.", replied Maddy. "Funny thing, El Carlos, you talk in your sleep. And well I think we both know the rest, everyone else herd what I did."

"Oh, that...", laughed Carlos nervously. "Yea, uh sorry about that, it just kinda happened. So I had one or two dozen dreams about you and me and Caroline, big deal..."

"I will set you ablaze right now!", said Amarao. "Don't ever think about that again, El Carlos, or I will set you on fire and throw your pink ass into space. I have always wanted to test the effectiveness of an El Carlos missile."

"Is this were I go, Oh god! Don't kill me?", asked Carlos.

"No, this is where I am nice, let you down and you go drink your self stupid.", replied Amarao. "Sound good?"

"Yes, very much so.", clapped Carlos. "Now, let me down."

Amarao took his signature cattle prod and zapped El Carlos down off the wall and he ran off to go find a bar.

"Uh, Commander Amarao, there are no bars open today on this port.", laughed Maddy. "You know that right?"

"Yep.", said Amarao. "But he will try everyplace to get a drink, so this should make for an interesting story."

Odie suddenly got a glint in his eye. "Hey Commander.", Odie asked. "Me and Mini-Odie got tickets to a Everclear concert, so we will be gone for a while, mmkay?"

"Thats fine.", replied Amarao. "I got something I want to do anyway."

"No you don't.", said Maddy. "Someone has to stay behind on the ship and I was going to go hit up the Otaku's Corner. I need some anime!"

"Go right ahead then, dear Maddy.", said Amarao. "I will stay here then, I guess."

Maddy hugged and kissed Amarao. "Thank you very much, Amarao. I will bring you something back nice."

So Amarao was left alone, and the crew was out having fun without him yet again. Amarao cranked up his radio and sat there singing to one of his all time favorite songs, Under The Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. "Its hard to believe that theres nobody out there, its hard to believe that Im all alone.", Amarao sung. "At least I have her now.....Maddy..." The song now skipped to Audioslave's What You Are and Amarao got up and danced around wildly.

While all of this was happening, Maddy had snuck back to spy on her boyfriend. She saw him dancing around and tried not to laugh. This became even harder when he started to break dance.

"Wow, he is pretty good at that.", thought Maddy. "Maybe Amarao will teach me how to do that sometime." Happy with watching Amarao, Maddy went on to buy her anime, laughing hard as she left earshot.

Meanwhile, Mr.Lostman is growing tired of being a pirate.

"Tara, I think its time we gave it up.", sighed Mr.Lostman. "We aren't very good pirates."

"Master, we haven't tried to steal anything.", said Tara. "We could be great at the art."

"Your right, Tara.", Lostman said, giving her a hug. "You're the best."

Tara simply blushed and ran off. "Oh no!", she thought. "Im falling in love with him! I must be freaking nuts!"

Mr.Lostman looked over his shoulder and thought, "Wonder what her problem is." Lostman now turned his attention to a bigger threat. "Hmm, the radar has been showing large masses of things... just what these things are is beyond me. A time will soon come when noone will be safe from their wrath. The full force of Plan 9 is on its way and they will be unstoppable. Now where is Mr.Fitzsimonds?"

A while later, El Carlos had wondered back to the deck of the Endostar Runner and he was in a grumpy mood.

"Heh, here we go.", thought Amarao. "This will be good for a laugh."

"Commander!", exclaimed Carlos. "I am never going back to that so called bar ever again! What a waste!"

"Oh really?", asked Amarao. "You found a bar you didn't like. It's the apocalypse."

"You should have been there! The bartenders where stupid!", replied Carlos. "I ask the guy for a screwdriver, and he gives me a actual screwdriver! I tell him I want to get hammered and he hits me with a hammer! I told him to give me a martini and he gave me a can of paint! I should complain to the manager!"

Amarao lost it. He doubled over laughing and was in tears. "That was a hardware store, El Carlos. Honestly, even you should know the difference!"

"But it looked like a great bar it had these giant drink shakers behind the counter!", whined Carlos. "Hey shut the hell up Amarao! I seriously need a drink!"

"Im sorry, but uh, I had to have revenge.", said Amarao, wiping a tear from his eye. "After all you put Maddy and me through this was only fair. Granted it was mean, and Im sorry, but this was supposed to teach you a lesson."

"What is that?", asked Carlos. "How to tell a bar from a hardware store?"

"No...", Amarao replied, handing El Carlos a fifth of Vodka. "And the lesson isnt important, just drink this and forget this all happened."

"So tell me really.", said Carlos. "How far have you gotten with Maddy?"

"Well...", replied Amarao. "Hey theres a keg in the cargo bay, help yourself."

"Hey thanks, Commander.", said Carlos, running to the cargo bay.

"Man, is he gullible.", though Amarao, pressing a button releasing the cargo bay doors. "A few minutes clinging for dear life outta set him straight."

"AMARAO!", shouted Carlos over the intercom, holding on hard to a bar on the side of the cargo bay, trying not to be sucked out. "YOU LIED! THERE WAS NO KEG! YOU OWE ME A KEG DAMN IT!"

For now, life is normal for the crew, but they creep ever closer to a date with destiny.


End file.
